The last 2 days have been a whirlwind of tests, information, and emotions. It all started yesterday morning with my usual Monday morning u/s. After interpreting the results, my doctor determined that the blood flow through all 3 babies' umblical cords had once again deteriorated, particularly with Baby B & C. Although the babies are still healthy, he thought it would probably be wise to consider delivery this week so as not to risk things getting any worse. We were nervous, but so excited that the delivery would be sooner than we thought. In fact, we had been hoping to have the babies on December 3rd (we thought 3 babies on the 3rd in my 33rd week would be so cool) and were so excited that this would probably become a reality. The doctor wanted to perform an amnio the following day to check to make sure the babies' lungs were fully developed. Neither one of us slept well last night as we were both so anxious, eager, and excited to get the results from the amnio and learn when we would get to meet our babies. I even dreamed that I was holding one of the boys and it seemed so real.
The amnio was done this morning and we were told that we would have the results within 2 hours. Jacob and I sat in my room waiting on pins and needles for 4 hours before we heard anything. When the doctor finally called, the first words he said were "The lungs are immature" and I immediately burst into tears, barely listening to the rest of what he said. So now the babies will not be delivered this week, nor will they be delivered on December 9th like we had originally thought. I feel like I am back in my metaphorical car, still driving. I thought my destination was right in front of me and I was almost there, but then I learn it was just a cruel joke and I have to keep going and going with no end in sight. I have felt just about every emotion there is to feel in the last 24 hours...elation, excitement, fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, sadness and now I just feel depleted and numb.
As I was finishing writing this, the doctor stopped in to check on me and see how I was holding up. I couldn't even answer him, I just turned into a blubbering fool who could not stop crying. He was very sympathetic and sat and talked with me for a long time. Although this is hard and I am so disappointed, I am glad he did the amnio and did not take the babies out before they are ready. It would have been devastating if they had come out too early and had serious health complications. I know I would have blamed myself for the rest of my life if that had happened. He explained that the babies are okay for now, but they are going to watch them very closely over the next week and if ANYTHING deteriorates, they will be delivered. Babies' lungs mature at an exponential rate and he is sure they will be ready next week. SO...he promised me that no matter what, the babies will be delivered next Wednesday, December 10th. I'm not getting my hopes up.
3 comments:
Erin and Jake - Hang in there guys. I know it's been such a roller coaster lately. Keep trusting and believing in God's plan for you and your babies. We love you all!
Erin,
You have been such a trooper this whole time. It's easy for me to say "hang in there". You still have the strength deep inside you that will get you through this last week, eventhough you don't think there is any left. Keep the faith. I have you all in my thoughts and prayers.
Erin, don't worry about bursting out in tears. That keeps happening after the babies are born, too. :)
The time is sooo close. It's good that your doctor sat and talked with you. One good thing is that you haven't had to spend over 50 days in a hospital gown with your hiney hanging out! (I was trying to think of something positive to make you smile.)The husband of a woman I work with has had to have lovenox shots, and he is refusing to continue, because they hurt too much.And he is a big strong guy! So see how tough you are? We love you and Jake and the babies.HERE THEY COME!!!
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