The Secret Society of Motherhood

It seems like motherhood is a secret society that nobody tells you what it is REALLY like until you join it yourself. Nobody tells you how your body will never be the same; it will sag and droop no matter how much weight you lose. Nobody tells you that you will only get 2 minute showers (if you get a shower at all!) and if you have one extra minute to get ready for the day, you will have to prioritize - is it more important to brush my hair or my teeth? Should I put in my contacts or put on deodorant? Nobody tells you that you will have more baby "stuff" cluttering your house than you ever thought you would need and yes, it is all NECESSARY. Nobody tells you how isolated and alone you will feel and that you would yearn to just be a normal member of society again without people staring at you and your children when you go out in public. Nobody tells you that even though your babies may be asleep, you will not be able to sleep because you are constantly on edge and filled with worry. Nobody tells you that a little tiny baby can make you feel so crazy that at times you may just want to throw him/her out the window (but of course you don't!). And no matter how inconvenient it may be to get my kids into my car, I will always REFUSE to get a minivan! But even if someone had told me all of these things and many more of the dreaded parts of motherhood, would I still have joined the society of motherhood? Without a doubt. Every inconvenience, every difficulty, every complaint, melts away when I am greeted every morning by three sets of beautiful blue eyes and three huge toothless grins.

Many people have commented on how well I seem to be handling everything that comes with having triplets and it may appear that things are going perfectly from the outside, but the truth is that I am no super mommy and most days I feel like I am in over my head. Yes, there have been days that I have laid on the floor crying along with the kids, feeling like I am going to totally lose my mind. There are days when it seems like I have heard nothing but screaming all day long, days when all three want to be held at the same time and I feel guilty that I cannot give them all of the attention that a single baby would get. Most days I am frustrated and overwhelmed beyond belief. I give them everything I have and I feel like they suck the life out of me at times. But when I was out walking the other night to clear my head and just get away (thank you Jacob!), I thought of where we would be right now if these three babies were not in our lives. I though back to about a year ago when we were faced with the fact that we might never have children of our own; how hopeless, empty, and so utterly sad I felt. And then I realized that even though this is the most difficult, frustrating, challenging thing I have ever done in my life, it is also the most rewarding and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. We are blessed beyond belief to have these three healthy, gorgeous babies that we love more than anything.